It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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