Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
