Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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