Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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