I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish i was in the wii world.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
