I cockslap morals
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
