You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
