Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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