did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
