mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
