I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
