I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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