it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
