How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
