Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
