One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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