He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
