don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
