she looked like the bat from fern gully.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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