No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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