I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
