The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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