There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
