I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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