ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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