Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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