We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
