I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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