Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
