I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So. Much. Porn.
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