Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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