you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
