Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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