i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
