I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
