Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
