you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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