from now on my penis is your penis
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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