I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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