College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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