So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
