ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
