So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
