Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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