yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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