shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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