I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
