Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
