gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
