Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
