wrigley field is MILF paradise
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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